The final season of Dexter has finally come to a close, and for those of us who have traveled the long, confusing, blood-soaked road of America’s Favorite serial killer, it’s time to part ways with the Dark Passenger in all of us.

Thanks to all who joined me, Her Infernal Majesty and my own personal Harry, ExpertPenguin, as we made our internal monologues known,  in order to bid our favorite blood spatter analyst goodbye.

The transcript of the liveblog is after the jump, for your giggly pleasure.

 

 

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:00 pm

And we’re here! Ready for the final kill?

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:04 pm

Oh, just one?

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:04 pm

Awww! I love that the entire cast is back for the pre-episode promo! Including Harrison, Lila, Rita and (gasp!) Trinity!

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:04 pm

Ghosts of better seasons past..

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:05 pm

Really, there’s just one kill that matters at this point. Is Dexter going to live?

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:06 pm

I’d bet yes, oddly enough.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:07 pm

Oh, a reminder that the world’s worst deputy marshall is after Dexter and Hannah McKay.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:08 pm

See? Can I call the innocent Kanye West shrug at the camera when he gets away now, or later?

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:09 pm

Whatever you do, Elway, don’t say “bomb”…

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:10 pm

Tips for shaking the law: Accuse them of dropping off a suspicious package. Works every time! *wink*

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:11 pm

I know she’s a blonde in Miami, but the fact that Hannah can STILL walk around, in an airport no less, with no disguise as she attempts to leave the country, is still blowing my mind.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:12 pm

I know! I mean, at least wear a wig. Or a hat. Or glasses.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:13 pm

The Quinn/Deb rehashed romance is soooo ridic. Just a step behind the ‘Deb is in love with Dexter’ move.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:15 pm

What do you mean? That’s CLEARLY what his three season downward spiral was building up to..

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:15 pm

Remember, guys. Saxon is HIGHLY INTELLIGENT.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:15 pm

…..Did Saxon just knock a guy out GTA style and steal his car in public without anyone noticing?

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:16 pm

AT LEAST give him two stars. I can’t even do that in Los Santos without getting chased by PEDESTRIANS.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:17 pm

Then again, I’m from the hood there, and not HIGHLY intelligent.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:17 pm

I guess Saxon must also have Dexter’s serial killer superpowers.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:18 pm

Why does everyone keep letting Dexter off the hook every time? Even on this episode?

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:19 pm

No Dexter, the lesson is NOT that you shouldn’t have left him alive, you should’ve just TAKEN HIS OFFER FOR A TRUCE, and NOT messed around with him until it got Deb shot!

What, was he going to follow you to Argentina while renting out your house in Miami?

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:19 pm

Deb: Yes, I know you kill people. But I forgive you interminably. My life is in service of yours.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:21 pm

It’s also not his fault that Hannah’s not out of the country, because asking her to stay so she could hide in Deb’s closet for a few episodes was a CLEAR alternative to freedom in a place with no extradition…

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:22 pm

Yes, and the fact that Hannah just hung around and cooked food that everyone ate without hesitation is not weird AT ALL.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:25 pm

..YES. GET AWAY FROM DEXTER. IMMEDIATELY.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:26 pm

Good god Hannah. That is the first smart thing you’ve said all season.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:26 pm

Remember, Saxon’s high level of intelligence means he needs a vet, and not himself, to stitch up his bullet graze.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:28 pm

Damn it, Dex. Why can’t you just let Saxon go? He doesn’t love you. It’s better this way.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:28 pm

Unfortunately, this fan poll right here kind of highlights where everything has gone wrong. If people REALLY think that Dexter hasn’t put her in danger or screwed her up..ever.then we’re really just as brainwashed as Sho wants us to be.

And forgot about the first four episodes of this season.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:31 pm

FACE. OFF?

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:31 pm

Dexter Voice Over: I’m just here to make sure you’re perfectly up to date at all times.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:31 pm

Plot twist, eh?

Wait, was that a fork?

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:33 pm

HOLY FUCKNUTS. Deb is a vegetable.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:33 pm

Exhibit B:

Remember: This course of action didn’t turn Deb into a vegetable at all.

F@#%.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:36 pm

These flashbacks are giving me mixed feelings, instead of relishing the past..WHY does this have no impact?

Because this feels like its Dexter’s fault. All of it.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:37 pm

Look! Elway Ex Machina, OR…. The only person in Miami who recognizes Hannah McKay!

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:38 pm

So question: Is there someone in this room who’s going to give up Dex?

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:38 pm

You know what would be awesome?

If he outed Dexter. Like, right there. In front of the two best cops in Miami Metro.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:39 pm

….yes, I know I’m referring to Quinn and Batista.

No, I’m not saying that sarcastically.

Really.

I’m not.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:40 pm

Yes, Dexter could leave. BUT HE WON’T.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:40 pm

Please, just leave the dude alone.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:41 pm

So, just to clarify, was that a bus full of deaf people?

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:42 pm

Clearly. Because it’d take a bus full of blind and deaf people to not notice a known fugitive.

Stabbing someone.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:43 pm

Nice. Self defense ploy, he stabbed me first?

First Dexter like methodical move all season.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:44 pm

Everything Dexter is saying is right, for a change. But the fact that Saxton is the catalyst for this is ridiculous.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:44 pm

Because it doesn’t look like he set that up at all..

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:45 pm

GOOD GOD BATISTA.

No. No, they aren’t that dumb. They know exactly what he did.

And of course, he’s a superhero for it.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:46 pm

For the first time ever, Batista and Quinn look dubious. Once Dexter leaves the room, do you think they say, “Yeah, Dexter’s a serial killer.” “Yeah, I know. Let’s get some coffee.”

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:47 pm

YUP.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:47 pm

Call me crazy, but I think he was more emotional when Rita died.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:48 pm

Is Dexter about to Mercy-kill Deb?

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:48 pm

…You’ve got to be kidding.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:49 pm

So like Zack Snyder’s Superman killing Zod, this is the kill that wakes him up?

Really?

He couldn’t resist screwing up her death too?

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:50 pm

Is Dexter seriously making off with Deb’s body?

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:50 pm

Poor Jennifer Carpenter. What a way for her to go. With zero fucks given.

Same for the hospital staff. Let Dex wheel her out and toss her into the ocean. No accounting for OTHER people who care about her.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:51 pm

THIS IS NOT HEARTFELT AT ALL.

It’s one big WTF set to a tropical storm.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:52 pm

This seems a little too fuzzy.

Is he going to kill himself, or is she getting arrested?

Calling it now..

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:53 pm

MORGAN BOAT STRUCK BY LIGHTNING.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:53 pm

I love Michael C. Hall. His confused face sums up my feelings perfectly.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:54 pm

…I’m still wondering what made him think this was the appropriate way to let deb go…as if she were one of his victims.

…Aha.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:55 pm

Why does Dexter seem to think that the best thing to do would be to make Deb’s body disappear?

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:56 pm

Called it. RIGHT INTO THE STORM.

Though he didn’t earn that epiphany in an organic way at all. It kind of just happened. So he could fake his death, or kill himself…or whatever.

What a load..

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:56 pm

Serious BS. What a way to avoid dealing with any of Dexter’s actual issues.

Lucien W. September 22, 20139:58 pm

…So basically, he got away with it.

Folks, this is happening during the Breaking Bad’s second to last episode. I bet Walt wishes he could skirt logic and karmic debt like Dexter.

…With a gross looking mountain man beard.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 20139:58 pm

hey look! It’s the lumberjack Dexter mod.

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 201310:02 pm

Just barely, I guess.

Lucien W. September 22, 201310:02 pm

….lol

Well, unfortunately, that’s the end of a long, testy, occasionally inconsistent 8 year relationship. I wish he actually had a goal this season other than cleaning up messes he never would have made in any other season. Good riddance, Dex. You and your beard.

In fact, fuck it. Fuck your beard, Dexter.

Any parting words for this hogwash, My Infernal Majesty?

Her Infernal Majesty September 22, 201310:09 pm

And that’s the end of Dexter.
Although the writers of this last season didn’t seem to truly understand the character they were writing, it’s good to have some measure of closure, and I would have preferred to have seen some respect for the things that originally made this show so freakin’ cool.

So, yeah.

Fuck your beard, Dexter. And your couch.

But honestly, I’ll still miss you.

Lucien W. September 22, 201310:11 pm

Lucien W. September 22, 201310:14 pm

….lol

Well, unfortunately, that’s the end of a long, testy, occasionally inconsistent 8 year relationship. I wish he actually had a goal this season other than cleaning up messes he never would have made in any other circumstances. I miss Deb more. Good riddance, Dex. You and your beard.

In fact, fuck it. Fuck your beard, Dexter.

Any parting words for this hogwash, My Infernal Majesty?